The Theory of Chaos

Monday, October 30, 2006

You are old. You are very old.

It's been a full generation now since Hollywood first took the video game world out to a sleazy roadside motel and had its way with it. The results have nearly always been ugly. But here's the real sign that this affair has gone on for too long without anything good coming of it: a production company is now set to create a REMAKE of a video game adaptation.

I suppose there's nothing really to complain about, since the game franchise's time of prominence has passed and the first movie was a laugh riot, 1994's best attempt to dethrone
Plan 9 From Outer Space as the most watchably awful movie ever made. It's not even the only feature version, I've seen about half of the Japanese animated feature (the one with the infamous shower scene).

The fact that a company is willing to take a crack at it at all is either a comment on our vanishing memory capacity as an audience, or on the desperate fear that makes them seek a branded title, any branded title, rather than come up with anything like (gasp!) an original idea. It does give me hope, though, that the video game titles previously sullied will come up again, and maybe there will be a chance to do them right this time.

And there's a real chance that this is the last you'll ever hear about this little project. According to the article, producers are going to sell it American Film Market, presumably to raise production funds. AFM is a consumer carnival that deserves its own write-up someday. Suffice it to say the product for sale is the distribution rights to films, made and unmade. Sometimes they've just got a poster and a dream, or a poster and a dream and a letter of intent signed by Tara Reid, which is marginally better.

The movie could go direct-to-DVD. It could become a huge hit in Germany and the Benelux territory and never see the light of day here. They might go after movie stars. They might just sign Lorenzo Lamas and drink away their shame later. "Quality" is not a part of the discussion here. It's about making the numbers work. So time will tell what kind of profile this thing attracts, or if it will ever become more than a press release, but I'll be keeping my eye on it.


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